Writing The Best Application For A Frictional Games Job

Written by Kira, who goes through and replies to all your Frictional applications.


So, you have decided to apply for a job here at Frictional Games? Great, we would love to hear from you!

…But before you hit that "send" button, you want to make sure that you are showing yourself and your talent in the best light possible. We have already written a blog post on how the recruitment process works, so you can mentally prepare for that.

In this blog we will help you construct a good application, consisting of a CV, a cover letter and the portfolio, and even get down the nitty-gritty of the email. While we hope you apply for our positions, you are obviously welcome to use the tips when applying for other jobs too.

Just remember the most important thing: Always customise your application for the position you're applying to.

A job application is like a love letter. You have to show interest in the recipient, and tell them why the two of you could be a good match specifically. You can write a letter about how great you are and send the same version to different recipients, but be warned – that's pretty transparent, and will not likely land you a (business) relationship, no matter how good you are.

In this economic situation it might be tempting to say fuck it and cast a net as wide as possible (yes, we have moved on to fishing metaphors now). But the best fish will slip through the loose holes of a haphazardly set net. Instead, try finding one good spot and throwing in a hook with a juicy bait – the juicy bait being your best application. If you are good enough, a fish will definitely bite, and a love letter recipient will definitely swoon.

Frictional is a small company with little turnover. We're not looking to burn through talent, but to find the right applicants who will stay with us for a long time. That's why we want the applicants to be interested in and motivated to work with us specifically.

Do you love us? We love you too! Now let's go write that application!


1. Read the job posting

This might sound obvious, but start by reading the job posting. Then read it again.

If you're exactly what the posting is looking for, then great. You can use your previous work as examples of why you're a good match. Are you a generalist? Pick your strong points that you would use in this job.

Feel like you don't quite fit the criteria? Do not despair. Especially women tend to not apply for jobs they don't feel 100% qualified for. Think about your best qualities. Think about the hobby projects that you've done. Those count too.

(But be realistic about it. If your skillset is wildly different from what the job would be, you might want to wait for another opening. Otherwise you are mostly wasting your own time.)

Now compare your skills to the job's requirements and get ready to use those points in the next steps.


2. CV

The CV is all about you, dearest. It's your dating profile where you can show your best angles, or that really big fish you caught once.

When the perfect job comes along, you don't want to spend hours digging out when exactly you interned at that one place. Keep a meta-CV of all your experience, skills and achievements. This can be a document, or it can be a website or LinkedIn page you can link in the CV. An accessible online CV especially good if you have gaps in your relevant experience because you were helping out at your cousin's ice cream business or similar.

Remember the previous step where we looked at the job requirements? You can now cherrypick the most relevant points from your meta-CV and put them in your tailored CV. Quality over quantity and all that. Start from the most recent relevant one.

A good CV is 1–2 pages long. If you only picked the most relevant experience, you should be able to keep it tight. But do write in detail about the relevant experience. If you only gloss over your experience in big strokes, the employer will not be able to tell what you have actually done and achieved. Share specific tasks and examples, list your best achievements.

If you have skills outside your field, such as multiple languages or software, you can list those too. Just keep them tight. But, despite being your so-called dating profile, listing hobbies might not be very relevant. But if you've done game jams or similar, go ahead! They are relevant and they count.

Do:

• Keep a meta-CV.
• Always customise your CV based on the position.
• Start with the latest relevant experience.
• Write in detail about your relevant experience.

Don't:

• Send the same CV to every position.
• List every job you've ever held.
• Start your CV with the first job you ever had.
• Start with education instead of work experience (unless you're a recent graduate).

3. Cover Letter

If the CV was your dating profile, the cover letter is your love letter. And a love letter cannot just be a glorified dating profile.

Picking relevant experience for the CV already shows that you put thought into your application. But the cover letter gives you an opportunity to show that you truly care about the company, their games and the position – or at least have knowledge about them. It's incredibly easy to spot if someone sends the same cover letter to everyone, because they only talk about themselves. You can reuse lines you've written for similar positions, but make sure to keep them relevant.

The cover letter is also a great opportunity to talk more about why the skills you have acquired would translate well into the position advertised – especially if your experience is moreso from hobby projects. Convince the company why you would be a good match for them.

It's easy to get lost in profound expressions of love, but a good cover letter is half a page to 1 page long. Being concise is also a skill.

If the job posting mentions expected salary, this is a good place to mention it.

Do:

• Talk about why you want to work with this company specifically.
• Talk about your skills in relation to the job's requirements.
• Tell the company why they should hire you. Be bold.

Don't:

• Send the same cover letter to every company. It's easy to spot.
• Only change the name of the company in the letter. Generic wording is also easy to spot.
• Only talk about yourself with no relevance to the company or the position.

4. Portfolio

For better or worse, looks are important. In this case your dating profile pictures are your portfolio. The portfolio is a way to back up the claim that you're as good as you say you are, for both artists, programmers and other folks.

While a good portfolio looks different depending on whether you're an artist, a designer or perhaps a communications person, there are still good general practices when it comes to putting one together. In this segment we will use artists as an example, but you can use your imagination to apply the tips to other fields.

Just like with a CV, keep a master portfolio. For artists it can be sites like Artstation or Behance, or perhaps your own site. Pick the pieces you are most proud of, but are varied enough to show off your versatility.

From the master portfolio, you should again pick the pieces most relevant to the position and create a tailored portfolio. If the company is looking for a props and environment artist, those are the things you should be concentrating on. Also look at the stuff the company has previously done. Have they only done high-poly? Their next product will probably not be low-poly.

There is no rule to how long the portfolio should be. The key is making it easy for the recruitment team to immediately see if you are a good or potential match. For an open position you can choose some pieces relevant to the position and put them in a PDF, or link them from the master portfolio. For an open job query, pick a few pieces that are most in line with what the company is doing.

It is also a good practice to mention what you actually did for your works. Here at Frictional we wear all of the hats. The artists do everything from whiteboxing to textures. We need to know if you know how to do those and didn't just make others' textures and assets look good.

Do:

• Keep a master portfolio of all your work.
• Send a portfolio or links to a few relevant pieces.
• Mention what you worked on for the pieces.

Don't:

• Send the same top picks to every company and every position.
• Send all the portfolio pieces as separate files (links are ok).

5. Email

Chances are, there are also other jobs you have or will apply for. It's good practice to have a professional email account for official business. Something with a neutral email handle and your real name as the sender. It makes it easier to find your application later. Having a signature with your contact information and links to your master CV and portfolio is also handy.

Some email platforms will show your profile picture, so make sure you at least know what it is. You might want to think twice before using a topless beach pic or a dank meme. The recruiter will probably have a chuckle, but might not be left with the best impression.

Make sure you include some sort of cover text in the email. It can be pretty generic, informing of your interest in the position and the attachments you have provided. This is also a good place to mention your master CV and master portfolio. Even better if you get a short elevator pitch in.

Do:

• Use your real name in the email.
• Have a signature with contact info and links.
• Write a short cover text, like an elevator pitch for your application.

Don't:

• Have a shirtless profile picture. No, seriously.

6. Personal Information

Getting a feel of a person is important, but not all information you provide will help us with that. There are some things the employer is not even allowed to ask (family relations, religion…), and being upfront about them puts the potential employer in an uncomfortable position. Emphasis on the potential part. If you get hired, we will ask you for the details we need.

What a potential employer DOES need to know:

• Real name
• Email address
• Country of residence
• Links to your master portfolio and CV
• Phone number (we don't need it but most companies do)

What a potential employer DOES NOT need to know:

• ID number
• Birthday
• Home address
• Marital status and/or children
• Ethnicity or nationality, gender, religion. disabilities or similar

7. Think of the recruiter

The recruitment team might get hundreds of applications every day. Sometimes the recruitment team is just one human being, who also does other things.

Just like with life in general, the key word is empathy. So send the kind of application that you would like to receive.

Make sure the application easy to go through, and that the attachments are easily accessible and in proper file formats. Be sure the relevant links are easy to find, and that they work. If you want to make a recruiter happy, include your own name in the attachment names (so it doesn't become CV(69).pdf on the recruiter's computer).

Do:

• Save your CV, cover letter and any other files in PDF format
• Make everything easy to find

Don't:

• Save your text files as doc/x, rtf or txt, or especially png or jpg.
• Send your portfolio pieces as multiple separate files.

8. Afterword

There is no sure-fire way to make the perfect application. But the more tailored your application is, the better your chances are.

And lastly: even in an application, feel free to let your personality show. If the company doesn't like your genuine application, you wouldn't be happy working with them anyway. If they do… they will remember you.

Good luck!

Three Gaming Interfaces To Pay Attention To

In this post, I want to discuss some gaming interfaces and user experience features in games. I will use my three favorite games for this present post, but the subject is broader and allows a bigger discussion that I intend to return to, next month.

DEAD SPACE (PS3)

In the horror-fiction game Dead Space, the interface is something to pay special attention to. The character's (Isaac Clarke) main statuses are disposed in a very strategic way: the life meter is located on his back in the shape of a spinal light, the weapon ammunition is showed as a small number when you aim the gun and, finally, the game has an interesting resource that is a luminous laser to help you easily locate the way the character must go (and it saves time in the complex scenario maze).



HERO (Atari)

This one is a relic from the beginning of the video-gaming era. HERO is an interesting case of user experience (UX) and interface with very limited constrols. Atari's joystick has only one button and one directional stick; with only two resources, HERO's designers implemented a wide range of possibilities: when you press the red button in the joystick the character uses its laser vision to kill enemies; by pressing down the control stick the character launches a dynamite do open walls and, finally, when you hold the control stick up the character flies using a jetpack. A very rich interface and UX created using minimal resources.



Entwined (PS4)

One of my favorite indie games Entwined is a great case of interface and usability. All the gameplay is based on how you can manage the two control sticks from PlayStation's joystick. During the whole experience, you must control the two mystic entities by only using circular movements; the user experience is focused on coordinating two different positions simultaneously (a challenge to your dexterity). Entwined is an incredibly created game, using only circular movements in two control sticks, a master class of game design.



On the three cases related in the post, we can clearly see the ideas of how games must strategically use concepts from the user experience field. To finish this conversation I want to share some content from the site nForm about this subject:

"The user experience is not one simple action – it is an interconnected cycle of attempting to satisfy hopes, dreams, needs and desires. This takes the shape of individuals comparing their expectations to the outcomes generated by their interaction with a system. Managing expectations then becomes key to successfully providing a satisfying "return on experience" that delights users and generates shared, sustainable value".

#GoGamers

Freddy Pharkas, Frontier Pharmacist: Stampedes And Indians (A Real One!)

By Alex

I have a confession to make: My adventure-gaming instincts have been dulled by the passage of time. Or maybe it's the interface issue I'll blame my woes on later in this post. Suffice it to say, it took me a long time, as well as a call for assistance from my adventure-gaming brethren, to make any progress in FPFP. As a result, it took me forever to get this post written, as my gaming time is curtailed by the demands of life. I spent over two hours making incremental progress, and while I'm still having fun with this game, I feel that I have let you, the reader down because—and this is hard to admit—I had to once again also consult a walkthrough.

To be fair, I had the right solution, just the wrong key. Because there are three keys. And I had missed the only one that I could use to open the beer bottles I needed to stop the snail stampede, and . . .

I'm getting too far ahead of myself. I'm going to tell the story in roughly chronological order and, in a fit of public petulance, blame my woes on the interface.

Yeah, the interface.Anyway, when we left off, I had saved Coarsegold from a fate worse than death—death by horse farts—which is actually death, but the manner of death makes it worse than death, so, you know . . . metaphors and all of that. The next threat to face Coarsegold was a stampede of snails that the game indicated would take weeks to slime the city, but in all actuality took maybe fifteen minutes.

I saw this screen. A lot.

You wouldn't think it would be that hard to stop snails, right? Surely, something in Freddy's laboratory could halt this vicious stampede of onrushing shelled gastropods. Maybe . . . salt? We all know that slugs will die a gruesome death if you sprinkle them with a little sodium chloride. How about snails? So I went to the most logical place to find some salt: Mom's Café. However, Helen told me that Coarsegold was an entirely salt-free community.

It's a funny gag, but it left me back at square one.

I consulted the manual, looking for anything with sodium, and there are entries discussing sodium bicarbonate (Alka-Seltzer, for us regular folk), but no way to make it, and my dithering around in the lab produced no useful results.

No context here. I just thought it was funny.

The rest of the town was similarly unhelpful; the closest I got to sound advice was Whittlin' Willy, who told me that snails probably like the same things garden slugs do. So salt, although I suppose slugs actually don't like salt. So . . . what did they like? Slug-ology is not my strong-suit, I'm ashamed to say. The Sheriff didn't care and ordered Freddy to hunker down until the encroaching escargot had passed, and everyone else was paralyzed with fear.

This guy . . .

In Freddy's pharmacy, I did notice something I had overlooked during my previous play sessions: a staircase that leads to Freddy's private quarters. My mind was wandering and I wondered to myself, "Gee, where does Freddy live?" so I gave his back room a closer look and lo and behold, I saw the stairs!

See them behind the glass case to the right?

Okay, so it's not as dramatic as "seeing the light," but it was a revelation to me.

In Freddy's personal quarters, I found the following items that didn't help me with the snail problem, but that I probably should have found near the beginning of the game. These were:

• Freddy's not-quite complete "good guy outfit" in the chest at the foot of the bed.
• A claim ticket for boots in the dresser drawer on the left.
• The key to Freddy's roll-top desk downstairs in Freddy's nightstand.
• I could open Freddy's armoire, but there was nothing I could take, just several shirts.

In the roll-top desk was a locked drawer that the same key opened. Inside that was a letter from Freddy's old friend Phil D. Graves (groan) that read:

"Dear Freddy,

Thank you so very kindly for your recent gracious hospitality during my recent convalescence. The floor of your workroom proved an extremely comfortable bed, and the stale Pharmacy goods you gave me to eat helped stave off starvation quite adequately. I must admit to being a little curious by your request that I retain your safety-deposit key for you; I cannot imagine what you have secured in the bank that creates such strong feelings of both revulsion and endearment. However, I have done as you have asked and taken the key with me. I swear to you that I will never return this key to you nor even allow it within your sight, and I further swear to keep it with me wherever I may go. On this you have my word of honor, for I am

Ever your friend,

Philip D. Graves"

Where Philip went was dead, but at least if I could find his body, maybe I could find the key.

But none of this helped with the snails.

Deciding I had to see this stampede for myself, I steeled myself, braved the crumbling bridge . . . and realized that no matter how many times I crossed it, the same board fell and I got the same message telling me I only had three crossings left.

A joke making fun of the puzzle design in King's Quest II! I approve, Al Lowe and Josh Mandel! I heartily approve!

The snails kick up quote a cloud of dust, and I noticed that whenever I left the screen and game back, they were a little closer. So that gave some indication of the time Freddy had to solve this particular, and weird, problem. I could take a snail, but the only person who would do anything with it when I showed them was Helen, who put it in some cornstarch when Freddy suggested she add escargot to her menu.

I got points, and later, when looking for snail-control solutions online at Ilmari's suggestion, discovered that cornstarch doesn't kill snails but is used to purge them of toxins prior to eating.

Okay then.

As an aside, have you ever eaten escargot? It is delicious.

But deliciousness didn't get me any closer to solving this puzzle. I tried eating the snail at one point, and Freddy died because he didn't have any garlic.

Okay then.

I was well and truly stumped. I realized I could turn the length of rope I took from the abandoned blacksmith's shop into a lasso. I thought maybe I could wrangle the snails, but no deal. So I then embarked on the classic adventure-gaming practice of clicking every inventory object on everything and everyone, revisiting each location as I did so, but all I did was futile.

I did open one of the outhouses to see a familiar face in a rather compromising position, though:

Ahhh . . . what would an Al Lowe game be without a joke or two about whacking off?

One thing I tried was clicking Freddy's money on everyone, including Sam Andreas at the Saloon. All I got for my troubles was the game's generic message of "It doesn't work like that" when you click something on something you're not supposed to.

Now, this all prompted me to look at Ilmari's more spoiler-riffic hint that snails liked beer. It turns out I was supposed to use the money on Sam . . . but the funny thing is the icons are so big, yet you have to click on a very specific spot to use an item on something or someone. I ended up buying the beer, but this left a sour taste in my mouth that had nothing to do with beer gone skunky.

Yeah, there are also sheep dancing on stage.

I had the right answer, but I was defeated by the interface. I'm calling foul on this, but it also taught me to be very thorough with my clicking. Am I crazy in being annoyed by this? I don't think so, but I'm sure you'll all let me know in the comments. I'm prepared to take my beating. In any event, thanks Ilmari!

Now, the beer bottles are not corked. They have caps. And these are not twist-off caps. I needed something to open them with. As a veteran beer-drinker, I've used some funky objects to open a bottle when I don't have a bottle opener handy, including a lighter, a fork, and, yes, a key. I had two keys in my inventory—the pharmacy key and the key to Freddy's desk . . . but neither of them worked.

Here's where I had to shamefully consult a walkthrough for the second time, the first being another interface-related issue I had dealt with when trying to get the Preparation G for Smithie that I knew I needed but didn't know I could get, thanks to interface issues. To open the beer bottles, I needed a specific key in a very obscure location: the church.

When the doors to the church are shut, you can click the Eye icon on the very tiny keyhole to learn that it is blocked. What would it be blocked with? When you open up the doors and click your Eye on the same keyhole, you find the source of the blockage:

The key. And this key had apparently been cast in the perfect proportions to open beer bottles. So once again, I had intuited the correct solution, but stumbled on the implementation. This one is on me, but . . . why did I need this specific key? I'd love to ask Al and/or Josh the thought process that went into this.

Whatever. I opened the stupid bottles and used them to make a trail leading the snails over the edge of the gorge, where they followed like lemmings into the river, and got a pretty funny cutscene gently mocking the classic puzzle game Lemmings!

I got a kick out of this. More importantly, I got to progress in the game a bit.

Immediately, I see an Indian stuck in the anthill. And not a Native American, but an actual Indian from the subcontinent. Oh boy, a whole new realm of what is sure to be tasteful ethnic jokes awaits!

Srini is a bit of a chatterbox, so much so that his stagecoach party left him atop the anthill to be rid of his verbal diarrhea. And no, I didn't need to use one of the manual's diarrhea remedies to get him down from the anthill.

Why can't Srini just step down? Good question! You see, to do so would mean potentially squashing the ants, and for religious reasons, Srini can't harm another living creature. Too bad, because Freddy informs Srini that he'd be perfect as an assistant at the pharmacy Freddy is hellbent on reopening in defiance of Sheriff Moron's orders.

That brings us to another plot point: Someone is trying to shut Coarsegold down and, by golly, Freddy's gonna get to the bottom of it! But first, I have to rescue Srini.

I poke around town first, giving the claim ticket to Sal to get the only pair of boots I've seen in the game. Still, Freddy can't wear them, or his good guy outfit, because it's not complete. I don't know what more I need, but maybe the missing piece is in Freddy's safe deposit box. I thought I remembered a tombstone reading "Philip D. Graves" at the cemetery, and I was right! It's just that the local gravedigger Doug McCarkus (double groan) is busy digging the grave, and there's nothing I can do.

Oh well. Nothing in the manual or the pharmacy seems to help with ants, and my next circuit of Coarsegold doesn't reveal anything useful, so I figured I must have what I need to rescue Srini from his ignominious fate. Along the way, I stop to chat with the lovely Penelope, and she decides we need to take our relationship to the next level.

The upcoming Sadie Hawkins Day dance! Sweet! For those of you who don't know, a Sadie Hawkins dance is an American and Canadian thing where the women ask the men to go, and Penelope is going to ask Freddy. Aww!

Back to Srini: I figure I can lasso him down, but that's a no go. Luckily, I can just use the ladder I swiped from the playground slide to get the little guy off of his precarious perch.

All right! And I didn't even need to use a walkthrough for this one! I'm back in the saddle, baby, an appropriate metaphor for a western game if there ever was one!

Back at the shop, Srini is organizing stuff, and I take this as a good break point before embarking on further interface-frustration exercises. I mean puzzles.

I wonder what became of Freddy's other Indian assistance, Dominick. Will there be an Indian-on-Indian rivalry? If so, will it be handled with the tact and dignity we've come to expect from an Al Lowe game? Or will it devolve into broad, borderline-offensive ethnic stereotypes and fart jokes?

My money is on the fart jokes.

Anyway, I am enjoying this game. It's got colorful graphics, fun music, a really hilarious vibe, a likeable protagonist, and humorous characters. I just got frustrated by having the right ideas and just not going about implementing them the exact way the game wants. We need a word for this. Any ideas?

Also: the messages when you quit the game and go back to the DOS prompt are pretty funny:

Session Time: 2 hours, 5 minutes
Total Time: 2 hours, 55 minutes

Inventory: Boots, melted candle, pharmacy key, good guy outfit (complete with hat!), desk key, church key/bottle opener, empty beer bottles, lasso, letter
Score: 614 of 999

Fart Jokes: 3
Indians: 2

Eric The Unready – Fair And Fowl – Request For Assistance

Written by TBD

Eric the Unready Journal Entry #4: I found myself in a fair near a fire-breathing dragon. And the dragon's protecting the Steak of Eternity. Seems simple enough - just need to cover myself from head to toe in fireproof armor and steal a hungry dragon's meal. I've got most of it covered but I still need one more item...

One final Monty Python reference left over from the previous mission

Hi all. Sorry for the rather significant delay between posts here. As is happening to everyone in the world, current circumstances have put all our regular routines out of order. Technically I have more time at home to play and write about adventure games but somehow it feels like I have less - the human psyche is weird. Anyway, on with the show...


Day 5: Stygian Dragon – To Cover My Arse

After shooting out of a cannon in my last mission I landed on a fairground tent. Checking out my new location I find I'm at the St. Barchan's Day fair, and there's a herald spouting news. As usual, there's also a newspaper here.

Good to see people learning from their experiences.

After reading the newspaper I listen to the herald's proclamations.

Circumstances like the wet tunic contest perhaps? (Sorry – thought I was in a Spellcasting game for a moment there)

Okay, maybe the last chapter isn't the end of the Monty Python references.

But Snorkle the Herald Angels Sing would make a great hymn.

Moving on, I find a chef roasting a boar while wearing a comedy apron with "Poke me with a fork – I think I'm done!" written on it. I think he wants some spices, but I'm not sure when the game's giving me a hint or just attempting a joke.

I think he went to the wrong fair.

Seeing as the chef's clothing is specifically inviting it, and I do have a pitchfork in my inventory, I do what he asks.

I'm in a fourth wall breaking comedy adventure game – if I don't take things literally I won't be able to solve half of the puzzles

In another part of the fair ominously named Shady Area is a three handed elf playing a shell game.

If I play, I lose. I was expecting to see some kind of animation with the shells but was disappointed when I just had to guess without having any idea. The prize is some extra minutes of life (which I assume is irrelevant to the game) and some racy woodcuts of a local dancer called Lily.

After a few turns a wandering musician strolls through. He wins the game every time, so expecting shenanigans, I talk to him.

My guess is he bought those glasses from the back of an old comic book and they let him see through the shells.

The musician is missing a reed for his instrument so I figure he'll give me his X-Ray Specs if I find one for him.

The fair also contains a stockade with some stocks, and as I wait there a man is walked in and put in the stocks.

The prisoner has a speech impediment, which I later worked out is why he was in the stocks in the first place.

Spitting is illegal at the fair

I didn't remember the illegality of spitting at first, but when I did work it out I felt even sorry for the poor prisoner. Anyway, even without that knowledge I immediately try to free the man, but can't find a way to do it.

After a little while he's freed by the authorities anyway, so I continue my explorations. There is a Fool's Pavilion where I can audition for a job. The three fools tell me that the jester's hat protects me from thrown objects and is fireproof, all of which will help against unamused patrons. I talk to them.

Good call – I'm sure he won't do any damage over there.

I try a few things to amuse them or cheat.

Your loss – I was going to do something really funny with those scorecards.

Unable to amuse the fools, I leave and check out the shooting gallery, which is run by a creepy barker who keeps making comments to and about the passing ladies. If I win his game I can have one of three prizes, so I go about getting all three.

Classy!

He gives me a crossbow and I shoot at each of the three targets. I hit every time so walk away with each of the three prizes; a whooppee cushion, a noise maker, and a rubber chicken.

A rubber chicken without a pulley in it – what's the point?

I go back to the fool judges to impress them with my new prizes – I pull out my whoopee cushion and do what the Fonz told me I should do (I sit on it.)

They look very enthusiastic about my comedy routine.

I am now a fool. I'd love to go back to the knights at home and show them of my achievements!

I try to give my cap to the man in the stocks, but he won't take it. I was only trying to help protect him from rotten fruit. Anyway, the fair is fairly big compared to most sections of the game, so let's keep exploring.

I go to the Amphitheatre next and check out the schedule.

I suppose I'll need to see all three shows at some point. I remember that Lily is the person I can win woodcuts of so that's clearly a show I'll have to see.

There is also a Pavilion of Tomorrow – an extremely lame pavilion of tomorrow, almost as lame as Epcott Center (Sorry Disney, I wasn't impressed.)

There are a bunch of items here:

• Portable Window of the Future – a hoop with a shade so I can take my window everywhere.
• Cage with a Viper in it – I don't know if this is supposed to be part of the exhibition or someone just left a pet here but it does seem important.
• Kitchen Appliance – the Crush-o-Matic – a 2500lb weight that can be dropped to crush food
• Chamberpot of Tomorrow – a chamberpot that is permanently attached to your rear-end to save time going to the privy.
• Signalling Device – a gong that you can bang on.
• Cat-Jet III Assault Catapult – a model of a state-of-the-art catapult.

• Giant Leech – in the future, medicine will improve with the larger than usual leeches.
• Iron Maiden Key Ring – from the description it sounds like the kind of stretchy key ring that some security guards in movies use.
• Personal Hygeine System – an aardvark. Seriously. Just an aardvark.

Flawless logic

I take a rubber band, which I assume is the Iron Maiden Key Ring. I also take the leech. I try to take other things, but they are too heavy. When I try to take the catapult, it fires.

I sense a puzzle here.

I pull the shade of the Window of the Future in order to stop the catapult from shooting the gong, then try again to get the catapult.

Ah, a babelfish puzzle. Nice.

I try anything I can think of with the snake – putting stuff in the hole or giving stuff to the snake. I try various ways to use the weight, but the game won't let me press the lever or do anything else I try.

Out of ideas in here, I go back to the prisoner in the stocks and try to upset him with my noise maker.

It's times like these I really wish this game had a "USE" verb option.

Out of ideas at this point, I go around insulting and mooning people at random, as well as trying to use various items with various other items and trying in vain to somehow make noise with my noise maker.

These are clearly the actions of someone without a plan.

I notice that the apron is fire-proof. I haven't seen any fire lately, but I'm sure I will soon enough.

Wooo! Spring Break!

At some point I finally realised there was a screen I'd missed - an exit to the west at the entrance to the fairground. I take it.

I already wanted it, but now I know why I'll need the chef's apron.

I go to the Amphitheatre and wait for the next show, which is Lily.

After the show, an usher gives me a note.

"I saw you out fwont duwing the show. Please meet me in my dwessing woom. --Lily."

Accepting the invitation, I go north and end up in Lily's Dressing Room.

I wonder if she's related to Pontious Pilate

I talk to her, and again get reminded of the quest to climb the maypole.

I look around to see what else I can do here.

Nice work changing the 'r's' everywhere, game, but I really should have a wubber band in my inventory!

Wondering if there's anything I need to do here by changing items a-la the T-remover from Leather Goddesses of Phobos, I keep the idea in mind and leave.

I wait around at the amphitheatre for the next show – the jugglers. The jugglers challenge the audience to toss them something they can't juggle so I look in my inventory for an appropriately unjuggleable item.

Don't challenge an adventure game protagonist – it rarely ends well.

Now that the jugglers have dropped their gloves in dismay, I take a pair and look at them – the gloves have tiny suckers on them, so I wear them and try to climb the greasy pole in the middle of the fair.

I  neglected to mention the pole earlier so I'll do that now. There is a greased pole in the fairground with a red feather boa swinging from the top of it.

I take the boa back to Lily, who's thwilled at my success, and tells me about the second part of my quest.

But I need that weed for the musician in order to get the X-Ray specs so I can get the woodcuts which I can use to solve a different puzzle!

I take the reed to the musician and he swaps them for his shades. As expected, the shades let me see through the shells and I can win the shell game (again, without any animation or change in the graphics to show what I see)

I know exactly what to do with those woodcuts

I take the woodcuts to the overly horny barker in the hope that I will achieve something.

I find it weird that everywhere else it's spelled Lily but on the woodcuts it's spelled Lilly. I suspect counterfeit woodcuts!

Having distracted the barker, he doesn't take the crossbow off me as I leave so I have a new item in my inventory.

I go back to the Pavillion of Tomorrow to see if any of my new items will help. The viper doesn't want the boa and when I try to shoot anything with my crossbow I miss – including the big gong at the back of the room. I try once again to make the noise maker work, but none of the verbs worked (I even resorted to going through the entire long list of verbs on the left one-by-one)

I note that if I go back to the dragon, he doesn't always shoot fire at my chest. I'll need to protect my whole body. So far, I have sunglasses, a boa and a fool's cap to protect my eyes, head and neck. But I need an apron and the chamberpot of tomorrow to protect my chest and backside.

Because I had no current ideas on how to get either of the required items, I reload an old game to see the Story of the Dragon that I'd missed at the Amphitheatre as it only plays at 11am.

The story doesn't help me solve my current dilemma, but it does give me information about how this mission will end. The dragon who used to terrorize the countryside was finally stopped – by the power of spam!

It's obviously setting up that I'll be the one taken this year.

Note: This game came out before the popularity of the internet, and therefore before email spam was a thing. I'm sure if this game was made now the dragon would be getting hourly invitations to meet single dragons in his area or join some kind of get-rich-quick scheme.

Continuing to explore, I finally have an idea on how to get myself arrested. I didn't know how getting arrested would help, but I was sure it would be of some use. Listening to Harold the Herald's proclamation again reminded me about the no spitting rule so I had the obvious next thought.

The guy in the back seems sad that I'm there – perhaps some of my spit hit him.

I insult the people jeering at me, then a man with an apple-bearing son appear. I insult the boy too.

How appropriate - you fight like a cow!

The boy responds to my insult by throwing an apple, which lands amongst my other possessions on a pile next to me.

I wait until my ten minutes in the stocks is up, then take my shiny new apple to the chef and put it in the boar's mouth because that's what pigs on spits always have for some reason. Pleased that his meal is now complete, the chef drops his apron and leaves with his newly appled pig.

I take the apron, and now only need the chamberpot to complete my fireproof armour.

And this is where I'm stuck.

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE

I tried reloading to after Lily gave me the weed and went to all locations to see if the second part of her quest is actually something I need to solve rather than giving the reed to the musician. I had no luck with that, though.

I try using my stuff on things everywhere and eventually decide to wait until nightfall in case something changes when the sun goes down.

Of course, I should have realised this would happen.

I even get desperate and ask the game for help

So I'm asking for assistance. I'm confident I'm near the end of the chapter but slightly disappointed I couldn't continue my plan of writing a post for each chapter. Oh well, I figure next post will have to contain the conclusion of this Steak of Eternity mission as well as the next one.

Here's what I know or suspect.

1. I need the chamberpot of tomorrow
2. It will somehow involve stopping the catapult from hitting the gong when I brush past it to get to the catapult.
3. It may involve the crossbow, noise maker or rubber chicken as I haven't used them yet.
4. I know it's not related, but I'm still going to blame the social upheaval caused by the coronavirus for my inability to solve this puzzle. Otherwise I'd have to admit my incompetence! :)

Session time: 2 hours 40 minutes
Total time: 7 hours 50 minutes
Score: 395 out of 1000, in 1063 turns
Inventory: backpack, Crescent Wrench of Armageddon, Pitchfork of Damocles, crossbow, book, apron, boa, note, noise maker, bungee cord, berries, chicken, rubber band, whoopee cushion, newspaper, apple (wait - why do I still have an apple after I got the apron?), sunglasses, fool's cap, gloves